Days 1–2: A Rough Start
The first couple of days were… tough.
It felt cruel to wake up at 5:30. My body just wasn’t up to the task at hand, attacks that felt personal. Every morning I plodded through meditation as if hacking weeds, stared at my journal and saw nothing to write, and worked out until things in workouts seemed more exploitive than empowering.
The hardest part, to my surprise, was keeping off my phone in the morning. I had no idea how reflexive that habit had become. I’d reach for it without thinking–just to scroll through, check something or break the silence.
Without it, the morning felt strangely quiet. Almost a little too quiet.
But there was something else too. Even though I was tired, my mind felt… calmer. Less cluttered. It wasn’t enjoyable yet, but it was different in a way I couldn’t ignore.
Days 3–4: Finding a Rhythm
Things began to come together very slowly after three days – very minimally. Getting up early in the morning was still difficult, but it became possible for me. The routine stopped being forced and became more of a natural routine. There was less concern with “doing it right” when I meditated, instead I focused on just sitting still. When I wrote in my journal, I stopped trying to have profound thoughts that I wrote down; I simply dumped all my thoughts on the page.
Training improved once again too. I was able to exert greater force and do them with less effort. The largest shock was concentration and being able to actually get things accomplished at a faster pace without interruption. My brain felt as if it actually was able to breathe and concentrate.
But at the same time, something felt off. The routine was very structured. Almost too structured. I started missing the freedom to just… go with the flow.
Day 5: The Slump
Day five hit differently.
It wasn’t that the job became more challenging; however, it became monotonous. I had lost all enthusiasm towards this task and began to view it as an obligation. Again, I woke to fatigue and a lack of motivation, everything felt mechanical and as though it were just a series of checkmarks that were made.
That’s when I had the realization that the majority of routines tend to come apart during the middle of a process, where as at the beginning of a process new items and excitement occur. In the end, I also learned that just because you have a perfect routine, you can have off days and continue to feel tired, unmotivated or like you are stuck.
The routine doesn’t fix that. It just gives you something to hold onto when those days come.
So I kept going.